Saturday, November 24, 2012

Bad Mouthing Babylon

If you found your way here to this blog, perhaps you used FireFox, Google Chrome, Yahoo or maybe even AOL if it still exists.  And there are plenty of search engines out there to find your way here.  Some search engines do a better job than others, whatever its a matter of personal opinion.  There is one search engine that is as insidious in getting on your computer as pedophile is about getting children to climb into a windowless van with promises of candy. Its made by the kind of people that wait till the lights are out at the farm house to sneak into the barn make love to the first farm animal that can't get away quick enough.

This is what the work of basement dwelling pedophiles and bestiality fans with IT talent can come up with:

The search engine's name is Babylon, its so fucking useless and AD ridden you think it was a fat prostitute passed around at Fleet Week in New York on a buy one get six free kind of deal.  Its ability to search yields shitty results but plenty of advertisements not even close to the subject matter you were browsing for.  If you look on the "About Us" page the search engine claims its seen is profits skyrocket and has become one of the 25 search engines in the world.  The CEO, Alon Carmeli, will tell you with a shit eating smile how his search engine got into the Guinness World Book of Records for being the most downloaded program out there.

There is of course a dirty little secret behind this polished turd's success.  Its all been done by malware, or otherwise snuck into your computer via a download for something else you wanted.  The search engine is then automatically set as your default engine, and then the parade of ADs begin.  If you search "Get Babylon off my computer" you will find pages after pages of complaints.  Forums full of pissed of people talking about how this garbage program has latched onto their computer and taken over their internet browsing experience.  There are just as many pages detailing steps of how to get Babylon off your computer.  However, even after following a number of remedies Babylon still finds a way to pop up as the default browser.  Think of getting rid of the Babylon search engine as the computer equivalent of curing yourself of the AIDs virus.  Try all the home remedies you like, its not happening.  That's how Babylon gets to claim the record for downloads, how it generates profits, because more often than not people are stuck looking at it in some way or another.

I went through my own registery, resetting my computer, deleting every file associated with the day Babylon dropped its Trojan Horse into my lap, or laptop for that matter.  Like a Cockroach in a Nuclear War it managed to survive, and that crook Alon Carmeli continues to have a shit eating grin because his company, publicly traded, cooks its books by using unethical means to spread its product across the internet.  If Babylon was to present itself not as vicious little download but a real search engine like Google or Yahoo it would have gone the way of the Dinosaur.  It should because another search engine with better results and a better presentation came out first, its called Google.  Babylon looks like an old, out of date knock off of Google.  Simply compare results from your Google search to a Babylon search and you'll see the real deal of search engines up against something that spits out AOL '95 quality search results.  I've been lucky enough to get Google back as my default search engine, but if a mistype an address there is Babylon making its return like some cheesy horror villain that just won't die.  Every time I see it, it makes me think of having a bratty 7 year old neighbor who teases your dog.  You do everything you can to keep the dog from being aggravated  you complain to his parents, you sequester the dog.  But the kid keeps pushing his luck till he gets mauled and the dog is ruined and has to be put down.  It wasn't the dogs fault, that kid went out of his way to ruin a part of your life.  Except in this case its your computer that's getting harassed, their are no parents to complain to, and the little bastard that deserves a good punch to the face for going out of their way to ruin your property is no where in sight.  In my case I went so far as to ask the company itself how to remove it.  They gave a program they designed to remove it, because the initial program they use to burrow into your computer like tick goes so deep only they know where they hid it.  They need a program to guide your computer to find the program.  Even after doing that it was still there, an AIDs virus for your computer, then I had to trek around the internet to minimalize its presence.  Just like AIDs it never goes away, you just get lucky, minimize its presence and live with it after some treatment.  Every now and then the hideous thing pops it's head up to remind you how screwed you are.

If you have had a problem with this particular engine before, or like telling smug assholes their shit in fact stinks please email, who deals with public and investor relations.  Tell her how shitty their business practices are, how shitty their is product and looks, and that this blog and hundreds of forums are singing the same praises as your email.  Tell the unscrupulous bastards to go to hell for me.

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